Yes I'm one of those girls

Yes I admit it, I'm one of those girls. The one who is sometimes revels in bit of good ole' fashioned flirting, just for the heck of it with guys who I have no romantic interest in...especially one's I have no romantic interest in.

It's sad to say, I really only enjoy this uninhibited word play, when I am not thinking about following up my words with actions, as in never.

Why you may ask? Well, when I'm actually interested in a guy, my slightly mysterious, tongue in cheek sassiness turns into awkward mumbling or worse causes me to clam up like a bleeting lamb in the midst of a pack of starving wolves.

I can't help it. Faced with the possibility of actual authentic feelings and connections I'm reduced to a insecure pile of rubble.

What if I'm not as sassy and just right amounts of mysterious as I think. What if he thinks that's all I am, and is disappointed to find a softer more introspective side. What if he thinks I'm ridiculous for wanting to sky dive, but then have minor panic attacks when a plane takes off or lands, and the scariest of all....what if he loves all of it and want to actually be with me.... permanently..WOAH!! really really scary.

There is just something about someone loving me unconditionally, that kinda makes me wanna cry and run away. I realize that this means I have deep routed issues, and yes I am working on.

This is just part of the reason why I enjoy flirting with non-interests. That and I JUST LOVE FLIRTING. Its like making out with a pillow gearing up for the real thing...

so I hear....not that I ever did this in my prepubescent years...nor can I vouch for its effectiveness..just saying.

It keeps the mind and wittiness fresh, so when you enter into real play you have an easy repertoire.

The only problem with this is when that non-interest somehow strays from the pre-understood arrangement of no follow through. Pre-understood because all we've flirted about has all been theoretical; Exhibit A: "So you're totally taking me out to "The Mansion" this weekend for being such an ass, I love fine dining by the way so I hope you have your black AMEX"..Him"Ha yes lets do that this weekend, then afterward we can fly to Monaco".Giggles and playful winks around.

Then suddenly those questions are real, "Do you want to have brunch on Saturday" Me: "Um sorry I actually have allot of studying to do, but thanks for the offer." Note: I was not cruel, but I also didn't ask for a rain check hence dude I'm just not that into you.

So why do you to my deep distress..persist.

Instead of taking a gentle hint you are grabbing for my hand, brushing a finger down my cheek, rubbing my back. Leaving me wondering what the hizzy just happened.

When did I give a signal that said I'm really interested, that my flirtations are more than just flirtations.

As a very tactile person, touches can either send warmth shooting up my spine or have me holding back the bile. I'm now unfortunately in that cringe zone, with absolutely no clue how to GET OUT!

I don't want to hurt your feelings, and I have turned my quiet flirtations into barely concealed tauts, not meant to hurt you, just guyish enough to swing the pendulum back into friend zone, as in beer drinking, burping, Monday night football, friend zone.

I'm in that desperate place where I am thinking about inventing a love interest, but that is a pathetic move that I'm just not ready to resort to yet. So if someone out there knows how to rescue me from this innocent flirtation gone wrong hit me up.