This S@#$ Sucks!!!

The recession has finally curled up and made itself at home in my life. I just lost my favorite roomie and television watching partner to the Great White North. I was kinda doing OK since my other partner in crime, was going to be able to mourn her loss with me over Bollywood movies, and Champagne in our new fabulous apartment. That was until I found out that my second partner in crime just got laid off, and will most definitely be moving away for a new Job. Last Thursday.. a week before we are scheduled to move into said fabu apartment.... a week before our lease is up. So here I am on Tuesday, with a move out date of Saturday with all my belonging still unpacked, and no apartment to move into. Sometimes life blows.

I do believe that everything truly happens for a reason, and I trust that a year from now said reason will reveal itself, but right now this S#$@ sucks!!! I've lived successfully through one diaspora, when my best friends that I've known forever moved away to finish different levels of education in various states/countries. However after meeting a second group of wonderful ladies in the city, I'm having difficulty with the second movement. I just can't believe that I will meet other amazing girls that will become as important to me as my current group of girls. Whom I miss dearly, and call and visit every opportunity I get.

Maybe apart of my frustration is that I constantly watch them drive away to new adventures, and being left behind can sometimes be harder than leaving. In either case I know that I'm up for another round of friendship making, I have no choice. While I did consider becoming a hermit, I'm relational and enjoy my girlfriends, guy friends, and general camaraderie that comes when you really get to know someone and can let down your hair, laugh until you almost pee your pants, and can cry unabashedly.

Right now, I am grateful for the previously named vortex of selfishness who tonight lifted my spirits with a shot of tequila, hug, and laughter. I forgot that's probably why I fell for him in the first place. His warmth, and moments of genuine care. Anyway I look forward to new friends, and great travels with my forever friends. Next time I write might be from my new home under a bridge but hopefully with new adventures around the corner.

The End of an Era

Yesterday I wished one of my dearest friends and favorite roommates farewell. We stuffed her into a car packed to the hilt with her last few belongings. The last items that tied her to Dallas and to me. It was with a mixture of sadness, and excitement that I watched her drive away; off to her new home in the Great White North.

I'm grateful for the time we spent together and that we got to live together. It is because of her I learned it is possible to have a deep relationship with someone who doesn't share my background. We had our differences that made us wage mini wars, throwing out attacks and counter attacks, drawing the line in the sand, daring the other to cross it. When we did, we ended up much closer than before. We shared countless hours of laughter, cringed together over awkward moments, rallied each other through discouraging times and grew in our faith together. I remember she once asked if I thought there was a limit to the amount of great friends one gets to have in this life. I still don't know the answer to that question, but, if there is a limited number and I'm nearing the end of my ration, I'm sure glad she made the quota.

So Camelot here's a little ditty that was once read to me as I entered a new period of my life. It has been a few years now, but I have never forgotten it. I'm sure you've heard it before, but it encapsulates all my hopes for you. Happy trails Hon, and Cheers to your big new Adventure!

"May the road rise up to meet you.May the wind be always at your back.May the sun shine warm upon your face;the rains fall soft upon your fields and until we meet again,may God hold you in the palm of His hand."

Enemies and Friends

I used to wonder why you always hear of the Good ole' boys club, and phrases like bros before hoes, and nothing about the ties that bind women. While women have some of the most fulfilling relationships with each other as friends, those relationships can disintegrate once a guy enters the picture. I've seen best friends battle it out WWF style, for the affections of one guy only to end up without the guy or their friendship when the dust settles. Heck I've even made some less than stellar choices and relished in the theft of a boys affection, in my stupid younger days, and I have had good friends all but disappear once they've found companions. Its so sad that there is no sisterhood, no common bond that we can find to be better friends, and sisters.

The is particularly fresh in my mind after the discovery that a "friend" one that I've confided in and have come to care a great deal for, is well, tramping it up with a married man. Not her first offense and I dare say probably not her last. We've cried together and bonded over broken hearts,and cheating men. So its a bit of a shock when I see her flaunting her nubile young body in front of attached men.

I suppose I always knew what she was like, because the one thing we always laughed about together is how alike we are when it comes to our choice in men, and attitudes toward relationships. I suppose the difference is that I grew up and decided to care more about myself, and stopped allowing myself to believe that I was only valuable if a man chose to leave someone for me. It's even sadder because she's been grown up for a lot longer than I have, and I don't think she'll ever get it.

Now I find it difficult to look at her or even talk to her, not because I find her behavior so infuriating, but more that I see in her something that I recognize. A tired, lonely, girl begging someone, anyone to love her and make her feel that she matters. I can't look because I was once that girl, and I'm sad for my lost friend, I want her to see the light so to speak. I know that tramping is just as addicting as alcohol so I know she'll never change till she wants to. Until then, I guess the rest of my clan and I will just have to get our men inside before midnight.